"But I wasn't the one shot at...." A Look at Secondary Trauma, its Impacts, and How to Mitigate Them

Secondary Trauma: When Coworkers are Impacted

Critical incidents rarely impact just one person. In close-knit teams, patrol squads, firehouses, units, dispatch centers, trauma is shared.

1. Hearing the Incident Secondhand Still Affects the Body

Coworkers might experience:

• Sleep disruption

• Increased irritability

• Heightened startle response

• Trouble focusing

• Emotional exhaustion

• Replay or rumination over what happened

• Increased blood pressure/stress levels
  

Your nervous system doesn't distinguish between your trauma and the trauma described to you by someone you care about.

2. Survivor’s Guilt and “What Ifs”

Many coworkers think:

• “That could have been me.”

• “I should’ve been there.”

• “Did I miss something?”

  
  

First responder culture often frames these thoughts as “normal,” but normal doesn’t mean helpful.

3. Leadership and Peer Support Carry a Unique Weight

Leaders, senior officers, and peer support members often absorb story after story. This accumulation can create:

• Emotional numbness

• Exhaustion

• Cynicism

• Diminished patience

  
  

These responses don’t mean someone is failing, they mean they’re carrying too much without support needed.

Secondary Trauma at Home: The Spouse and Family Impact

Spouses and partners live a parallel experience after a critical incident.

They may not have been physically present, but their nervous system reacts to:

• The tone of the phone call/text

• The sudden break in routine

• The shift in their partner’s behavior

• The silence, withdrawal, or emotional distance

• The fear that comes only after the adrenaline fades

  
  

1. The Nervous System Knows, Even When the Details Are Fuzzy

Spouses may experience:

• Trouble sleeping

• Elevated anxiety

• Somatic symptoms (stomach pain, chest tightness, nausea)

• Appetite changes

• Hypervigilance around noise, news, or shifts in mood

• 
  

Our bodies react to felt danger, not just known danger.

2. The Emotional Load of “Staying Strong”

Many spouses feel pressure to:

• Remain calm

• Manage the household

• Shield children from the chaos

• Support their partner without asking for much in return
  

This can lead to burnout, resentment, and emotional fatigue - not because they don’t care, but because they’re overwhelmed.

3. Kids Feel the Shift Too

Children can sense tension even if they don’t know the details. Secondary trauma in children can look like:

• Clinginess

• Changes in sleep

• Regression in behavior

• Increased questions or worry

  
  

Families absorb what happens to one member. That’s the reality of living with someone who serves.

Why Secondary Trauma Matters

Because ignoring it doesn’t make it go away, it makes it grow. Because coworkers deserve support too. Because spouses need validation and tools, not silence. Because families heal faster when we acknowledge the whole system, not just the individual responder.

Understanding secondary trauma matters because connection is the very thing that makes this type of trauma possible, and also the very thing that helps healing.

What Helps: Practical Strategies for Coworkers and Spouses

For Coworkers

• Attend debriefs or defusings if available

• Talk to your peers about how you’re doing, not just what happened

• Take breaks from repeated exposure to incident details

• Maintain routines outside of work

• Seek out wellness, peer support, counseling or PCIS if available (We LOVE KYPCIS!)
  

For Spouses

• Name your own reactions without guilt

• Lean into supportive friends or family instead of isolating

• Set boundaries around news, media, or graphic details

• Prioritize sleep and nutrition as much as possible

• Seek counseling if symptoms persist for more than 30 days. It’s not overreacting, it’s self-care
  

For Both

• Pause before jumping into “fixing”

• Identify your own stress signals

• Practice nervous-system resets: movement, breathing exercises like box breathing, etc

• Remember that experiencing secondary trauma does not mean you’re weak- it is your body's normal response.

• Reach out before hitting crisis mode
  

A Final Reminder

You do not have to be the one directly involved in a critical incident to be deeply impacted by it.

Whether you wear the uniform or love someone who does, traumatic experiences have a way of rippling through your circle.

Secondary trauma is real. It’s valid. And it’s treatable.

No one heals alone, and you don’t have to either.