What Deployments Taught Me

For the first 8 years or so of my marriage, I avoided everything military. FRG meeting? I’ll pass. I have to go on post? No thank you. I was a true 3D only spouse- deployments, Dr appointments and DEERS were the only reasons to go on post. It was a job my husband did, but it did not define me. If you meet me now, 7 years later, I still avoid post like the plague, but I am much more active in the community. While my husband’s job does not define me, it has uniquely shaped my life, and those experiences have shaped me into the woman I am today. As I reflect on the impact of the 13 deployments between his various roles, I can see how the challenges shaped who I am. 

I was resentful because everything revolved around his schedule. I knew it was a schedule he could not control and yet it created extreme barriers for me. I got sick of waiting for good timing and learned to lean into the hard and push through. I learned to make things happen no matter what stood in my way, even if that meant completing my master's degree mid-pandemic, during deployments with 3 kids. Now, I am not Super Woman, but I learned to shift my mindset and recognize my limitations and work within instead of being mad that they were there.

I have been alone, away from family, with small children, while my husband was away and been extremely lonely. That taught me to put myself out there. I learned to join local groups- my personal favorite being The Junior League of Gwinnett and Fulton Counties where I met some of the most amazing women who have become lifelong friends. As a National Guard spouse who does not live anywhere near my husband’s unit, I learned how to create a unique community. I needed to build community support from those who “get it” because I did not have that locally. This meant, I also had to learn to maintain long distance friendships. Having people in my life I can call on for support no matter the situation has been life giving. 

I have solo parented for months on end and I've found the weekends were the hardest. That taught me to adventure with my kids solo. Sometimes that meant day trips to explore local attractions and events. Other times that meant road tripping to visit family and friends. Either way, we learned to still have fun, even when dad was away.

Have I mentioned I was alone? A lot. This taught me I could do all kinds of hard things. Being forced to figure things out taught me how to be independent. It also taught me to cherish small moments with my husband. It shifted our world view and our priorities. We have a different perspective than many of those around us. It has allowed us to create a really cool family culture where we lean on each other and know we have to work together to thrive. 

As a military spouse who no longer lives in a predominantly military community, I am more military focused than ever. I recognize how my experiences as a military spouse have shaped me and how I want to support the next generation of military spouses. The weight of the challenges you face is a lot at times and those challenges will make you grow into a better person if you let them. While I am no Superwoman, I did learn if I shifted my perspective to look at the growth, I could do super things, and you can too.